Life's Crossroads

It's a non-working day today and oh...so nice to wake up a little late. It's as if, all of a sudden I finally finished a long week exhaustive journey. I don't understand why I feel this way lately. How I'd always long to be in bed a little longer, and how I'd wish time would stand still a moment and at least savor  the comfort of my bed really longer and be  free from the stress of daily life's grind. Is it because I've been so focused lately with work? I've never felt like this before.  I've been so passionate about it, and had always given a hundred per cent if not more on every facet of it. I'd say my career made me the person I am today, a strong, dedicated person, still willing to give her all in the last two years of her career life. My staying power comes from  the fact that I regarded my work as a mission.I will soon retire from work two years from now. Just to prove how committed I am I must admit I worked for just one institution in the past 30 years. Hard to believe it but I did. I regarded my place of work, my second home and my co-workers my second family .My feeling of relief come weekends though bother me lately. Does this affirm realities of physical exhaustion from someone who worked so hard the past thirty years or more of her life? Is it time to re-assess my priorities? I am a mother of two grown up kids, just widowed a year ago, started work as a plain classroom teacher at age 21 and now holds the top management position in a private Catholic  institution for the past eight years. I am at this phase in life discerning on what still would I want to do with my life. I am torn between keeping up with my very tough responsibility as an administrator in my place of work or avail of an early retirement and venture to do something else which I am still capable of doing.  Has aging caught up with me, the reason for the relief on long week-ends, summer breaks, semestral breaks and the coming retirement? Or is it a work fatigue any normal career person experiences along the way? Is it the sudden loss of the one who never got tired giving me inspiration to go on specially in stressful situations at work? My husband died a year ago and I am not privileged to enjoy old age with him when I'm finally free of my responsibilities. With my status in life what is it that I still want to do? Well for now I still have to catch up with my service at 5:45 am for work meaning I have to wake up at least 4:30 am everyday. A day of work means long line of concerns  at your desk and if the 8 hours work is not enough I am constrained to work beyond my call of duty. Oh, I'd always loved doing this when my husband was still around at my beck and call anytime I wish to go home. This is my daily menu at work, too tough for an aging woman like me. This is why I long to stay in bed a little longer on week ends, this is why I can't wait for summer and sem breaks to come. If I  choose to stay two more years in my job I  sometimes wonder how I could still drag my feet to work in the same way I used to before. God only knows and I know He will  allow because in spite of my physical limitations, the passion for work that is imbedded  in my system. for years still  remains. Do I know where I'm going to? I think God knows not I.